Is that school I see on the horizon?

This last couple if weeks of the holidays have highlighted that peculiarity of being caught up in transformation.  There have been moments when the next step – starting secondary school – has hung over us Damoclean style and there have been moments when “being too big” for something has become a realisation unprepared for.

“I hate school.”  It’s that time again.  There have been lots of questions about going up to comprehensive and lots of questions about the answers given.  It’s all the usual stuff about nerves and subjects and whether I’d enjoyed comprehensive or not.  I’m not sure the fact that I enjoyed secondary school is very reassuring at the moment.  It’s going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  The Enfield-esque slouches, hoody down over the eyes and grunts that accompanied shopping for school stuff, the other day, perhaps indicates that it’ll be a very long couple of weeks indeed.  Thankfully, as well as school starting so too does her weekend club: that’ll give her something to hang on for at the very least.

I’m finding it difficult to comprehend exactly what she’s going through.  I was the last of loads of siblings who had gone through the school I attended – Mum had a semi-permanent seat on the PTA committee from the late 60s through the 80s.  It was the most natural thing to go from one school to this next one.  Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.  My one’s experience is quite the opposite; so her uncertainty is perfectly understandable.  I hope I’m finding the right ways to help make the transition as smooth as it can be.

We went out for a walk and found ourselves in the vicinity of one of the larger parks in the area.  Over we walked.  Daughter has a love of the swings and a love of the, what we call, “turnie swing” too.  Right from her very first park experience she has adored being spun and twirled on those things.  It exhausts me!  It is a very firm connection though and one I adore too.  She quickly sat on the version in this park and off we went.  It’s like a place of comfort for us.  As soon as the rhythm is established and she’s off in orbit she starts to speak.  Her thoughts fall out and stuff that’s on her mind becomes articulated.  The movement gives a freedom of release.  It’s quite wonderful.  Of course, the park is a busy one.  Daughter gives way, and looks for something else to go on.  I found myself looking at her and her seeing that, for the first time, she is actually a bit too big for the park she is in.  There’s hardly a child in the place that stands taller than her waist – although there are a fair few who are closer to her age than their size might show.  For the first time, between us at least, there was a catch in her voice as she indicated that it was time to go.  Perhaps I imagined it.  It felt like an ending to an aspect of childhood – if you know what I mean? A step into a new aspect.

So, one last week of maintaining the screen time deal and allowing her to enjoy her time before the term starts.  One last week of making sure her checklists, physical and psychological, are checked and that the first walk up to the school gates can be one of confidence.  I am amazed at the daughter she is now.  She is such a funny, creative and compassionate person.  It is wonderful to have spent this time with her and see how she operates, how she lives and learns and how she looks at the world.  I know I am as nervous as she is about her move to secondary school – in some ways nothing has changed at all since I was her age and taking the step that she is now…and, of course, everything has changed and the step she is taking is going to be one into a world of constant change and demand and challenging experience.  It is, as once one of her favourite cartoons shows would have us believe, Adventure Time.