Is that school I see on the horizon?

This last couple if weeks of the holidays have highlighted that peculiarity of being caught up in transformation.  There have been moments when the next step – starting secondary school – has hung over us Damoclean style and there have been moments when “being too big” for something has become a realisation unprepared for.

“I hate school.”  It’s that time again.  There have been lots of questions about going up to comprehensive and lots of questions about the answers given.  It’s all the usual stuff about nerves and subjects and whether I’d enjoyed comprehensive or not.  I’m not sure the fact that I enjoyed secondary school is very reassuring at the moment.  It’s going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  The Enfield-esque slouches, hoody down over the eyes and grunts that accompanied shopping for school stuff, the other day, perhaps indicates that it’ll be a very long couple of weeks indeed.  Thankfully, as well as school starting so too does her weekend club: that’ll give her something to hang on for at the very least.

I’m finding it difficult to comprehend exactly what she’s going through.  I was the last of loads of siblings who had gone through the school I attended – Mum had a semi-permanent seat on the PTA committee from the late 60s through the 80s.  It was the most natural thing to go from one school to this next one.  Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.  My one’s experience is quite the opposite; so her uncertainty is perfectly understandable.  I hope I’m finding the right ways to help make the transition as smooth as it can be.

We went out for a walk and found ourselves in the vicinity of one of the larger parks in the area.  Over we walked.  Daughter has a love of the swings and a love of the, what we call, “turnie swing” too.  Right from her very first park experience she has adored being spun and twirled on those things.  It exhausts me!  It is a very firm connection though and one I adore too.  She quickly sat on the version in this park and off we went.  It’s like a place of comfort for us.  As soon as the rhythm is established and she’s off in orbit she starts to speak.  Her thoughts fall out and stuff that’s on her mind becomes articulated.  The movement gives a freedom of release.  It’s quite wonderful.  Of course, the park is a busy one.  Daughter gives way, and looks for something else to go on.  I found myself looking at her and her seeing that, for the first time, she is actually a bit too big for the park she is in.  There’s hardly a child in the place that stands taller than her waist – although there are a fair few who are closer to her age than their size might show.  For the first time, between us at least, there was a catch in her voice as she indicated that it was time to go.  Perhaps I imagined it.  It felt like an ending to an aspect of childhood – if you know what I mean? A step into a new aspect.

So, one last week of maintaining the screen time deal and allowing her to enjoy her time before the term starts.  One last week of making sure her checklists, physical and psychological, are checked and that the first walk up to the school gates can be one of confidence.  I am amazed at the daughter she is now.  She is such a funny, creative and compassionate person.  It is wonderful to have spent this time with her and see how she operates, how she lives and learns and how she looks at the world.  I know I am as nervous as she is about her move to secondary school – in some ways nothing has changed at all since I was her age and taking the step that she is now…and, of course, everything has changed and the step she is taking is going to be one into a world of constant change and demand and challenging experience.  It is, as once one of her favourite cartoons shows would have us believe, Adventure Time.

Just like York's Grand Old Duke...

The last couple of weeks have been quite odd.  These have been the first two weeks of the summer holidays and they have highlighted a couple of aspects of my life now that I’d never had to consider before.

The first week saw me and daughter together.  It was lovely having all this time with her, especially after having instigated a minimum time allowance for screens.  She is something of a gaming enthusiast and I fully understand and appreciate how she loses herself in these worlds she creates and plays within.  I was the same when I was her age.  The only difference was that I was engrossed in my Airfix soldiers and she is playing her games whilst staring at a screen.

My summer holidays, when I was her age – in fact any school holidays/weekends (after some involvement in sport)/days off from school – went: breakfast, a bit of TV and, after having been told to go out and do something less boring instead, I would go upstairs and refight World Wars One and Two – mainly Two.  I would disappear into my bedroom for the day.  Sometimes me and my cousin would take the battle out into the garden.  That would be it.  From start of the holidays to the finish, with a two week break to go to Porthcawl…although I would always find room in my bag for a few platoons and a tank.

It is exactly the same as her and her gaming.  She is engrossed in worlds she builds and interacts in or in combat and battles online.  She would spend all day doing this – she did for the first couple of days of the holiday whilst I gave her her head and let her just come down from quite a busy and involved term.  Then I told her she could only have a couple of hours a day on the machine.

She moaned.

Then she tried to irritate me into capitulation.

Then we started to go out and about and go for walks and head to the park and stuff.  Then she got a hold of a book and pen and started doing some drawing and did a bit of writing for her new school and stuff.  It’s been a good week.  Lunch out and about, or not.  A quick in and out of the library and stuff.  Really lovely.  I’ve mentioned before that this is the time where she’s still happy to hold hands as we walk down the road, or not, it’s not a big thing but its not an embarrassing thing.  She still laughs at the jokes and tries to be appalled at my lameness but can’t help sniggering through the “Shut up!”

This week she is on holiday away.  I’ve become quite lost without her.

I’m waking and doing all the routine stuff – the working , the exercise and that … still attempting to learn some German…Mein Deutsch ist schlecht…sehr schlecht... and then I hit a wall.  I should be writing, prepping for work, reading.  I’ve managed to proof one piece for a project and read and sort of constructed a website for another project but I’ve lost the drive, this week. The bit of why I’m doing it isn’t here and it’s knocked me out of kilter.  Silly really.  I should be making the most of the time.  This, for instance, has taken far too long to write.  Too many attempts.  Too many days of thinking about it and not writing anything.  Instead I’ve been procrastinating or prevaricating or, as it as described to me on Twitter today, appsturbating (Thanks Bret Douglass).  I’ve been sitting in a morass of lethargy and I need to shake myself up.

I took the first step yesterday, Thursday.  I got myself up and out and visited Gloucester Cathedral.  Beautiful.  I managed to complete this.  I have further website ideas in mind now and shall be on to them tout and suite.  Of course, It is Friday today and so the week of daughter away comes to a close.  I’m back with her next week and all this time will have gone away.  Ironic.  In fact, there must be a German word to describe it somewhere?